Title: The Baby Jesus Butt Plug
Author: Carlton Mellick III
Publisher: Eraserhead Press
Release Date: February 23, 2004
Pages: 104
Book Source: Paperback

“Step into a dark and absurd world where human beings are slaves to corporations, people are photocopied instead of born, and the baby jesus is a very popular anal probe.” – Amazon

Scott’s Review

Joe and Mary want a pet baby. In the world they now live in, you can pick out a pet baby from a private breeder the same one you’d pick out a kitty or a puppy. Various clones are available that allow breeders to create famous babies (Ella Fitzgerald, John Lennon, Jesus, etc, etc.). Mary decides she wants a pet baby Jesus, but a pet baby Jesus are what a lot of people seem to use as a butt plug. Joe doesn’t want people talking about him. Mary doesn’t care and her mind is made up! She wants a pet baby Jesus.

They meet with a private breeder who agrees to sell them a baby Jesus as long as they promise not to use it as a butt plug. They agree, they take it home and sure enough, they begin having sex with the baby Jesus being used as a butt plug. Strange things begin to happen almost immediately. The baby Jesus goes apeshit one day wreaking havoc at home with Mary while Joe is at work. What will Joseph and Mary do about Jesus? How will Mary stop the baby Jesus while Joe is away? Does the baby Jesus wander up Mary’s sphincter? Read this book to find out more!

“Dedicated to dildos and Jesus, and all those who can combine the two.”

Like the entire Carlton Mellick III library, his stories are bizarre and this title is no different. This is one of his earlier works and I did not care for this one as much as his more recent works that I’ve read. The storyline seemed very jagged to me and unrefined. The writing was typical of CM3 – very bizarre, shocking and set in a strange dystopian universe. Parts of the book made me laugh hysterically and other parts just seemed like sentences thrown on paper. I had bigger expectations for this one, but alas, you can’t win ’em all! The book was barely 90-pages in length so I’m not going to write a lot more into the inner workings of THE BABY JESUS BUTT PLUG.

PROS: I loved the fact that the main characters were appropriately named Joseph (Joe) and Mary. Hahahahahahahahaha. There are bonus illustrations scattered throughout the book drawn by CM3 himself. The book is written in a fairly large format similarly to that of a children’s novel which makes the whole thing even funnier.

CONS: The storyline was really disjointed, in my opinion. It was original. it was definitely CM3. It just really seemed thrown together. It’s an earlier CM3 story so I don’t think he was completely in his most recent awesome form. It’s almost as though he tried to do too much in this little novella.

I will probably hang onto this title since I have a pretty solid CM3 library collection going at the moment. If you’re a newcomer to Carlton Mellick III, I’d pass on this title (despite how catchy and awesome it may be) and try another solid 4 or 5-star book in his collection that I’ve recently reviewed such as: “Apeshit” or “Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen your Whole Fucking Face Explodes”. Either of these titles will give you a better idea into the mind of CM3.

I’m giving this one an average 3-star review because it was simply “OK”. Not great. Not terribly horrible, but nothing to write home about which you’ll see is the consensus based on other Goodreads and Amazon reviews which I agree with, for the most part for this particular title. Moral of the story: Do not put a baby Jesus anything on, in or anywhere near your butt. The end.

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